Khomeini meeny miney mo…

Khomeini eeny meeny miney mo…

What is undoubtedly the most egregious case of ballot stuffing ever witnessed? Florida 2000? Ohio 2004? Nope, Iran 2009…

In case you haven’t seen the news because you’ve been hiking on the Appalachian Trail or spending some down time on the coastline of Buenos Aires, just a few weeks ago the Iranian populace was ready to vote in unprecedented numbers in a presidential election featuring four candidates, the more notable being incumbent conservative Mahmoud “Members Only” Ahmadinejad and purported reformist Mir Hossein Mousavi.

Ahmadinejad ran on a platform of furthering Iran’s nuclear program, wiping Israel off the map, and, I think, creating a lock box for Social Security.  Not a great platform, I think. Mousavi captured the imagination of young Iranians seeking a new positive approach with western powers that may have included getting Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers to set more concert dates in Tehran.  With many Iranians in the streets prior to the election wearing the color of green in support of Mousavi, the world awaited an exciting upset to the ruling elite in Iran’s Guardian Council.

On June 12, voter turnout was so high that ballots cast actually exceeded 100 percent of the number of registered voters in dozens of cities, -----where coincidentally Ahmadinejad captured almost all of the votes.  Some analyses showed that five million more votes were cast over the number of actual voters.  Official tallies pronounced that Ahmadinejad received almost 63 percent of the vote, even winning in large cities where voters are considered to be progressive.  The Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who is currently both the Supreme Leader of Iran [and next in line to be the Florida Secretary of State], declared that the incumbent won reelection and is looking forward to a wonderful August inaugural and ice cream social.

International pressure on Iran to hold a new election has been held back somewhat as disarray in Iranian streets and among its leaders seems to increase daily.  However, an encouraging sign in the possible rekindling of the relationship between the United States and Iran is evident in our own Garden State.  A bipartisan delegation of elected officials from Hudson County has been selected to travel to Tehran to engage the Guardian Council in dialogue.

The Hudson County delegation watched from their homes the elections in Bayonne, Jersey City and Secaucus. They saw how obvious the stealing of the Iranian election was, and they are traveling to the Persian nation to offer their expertise in fixing elections.  The delegation members are remaining anonymous, but I was given the opportunity to talk to one of them.

“No one thinks that their vote will actually count, but people still believe in democracy, so you have to be delicate when you steal the election.  After all, no one thinks that the right person for the job will actually win, but no one wants their community to be embarrassed by rubbing their noses in a fake blowout,” explained delegation member “X”

“If the polls are showing a big win for your opponent, make the results look close.  Don’t steal votes in your opponents’ backyard and don’t just make names up.  Send out some teenagers to the cemeteries in the middle of the night to round up some names, or at the very least change the polling sites at the last minute.”

This new attempt at diplomacy may help U.S.-Iranian relations, and despite the loss of many American jobs to overseas companies.